jocks – aMediocreMan

The Purple Fedora Incident (Jude’s big balls)

Image from ebay.com (This is from my site: www.hipsterstories.wordpress.com, probably the greatest hipster/emo love story of all time.)

The day after Jude emptied his manhood all over Clemmy’s back, he was working at Randall’s and feeling like an absolute stud.

He walked around the place like he owned it. He couldn’t stop stroking his mustache while looking into the air with a confidant gaze. He truly felt like a new man.

He almost forgot he was working when two jocks approached the counter. Generally, jocks didn’t come in to Randall’s, but they were becoming more commonplace since a YouFit gym was recently built down the street.

The jocks were both dressed in Nike workout shorts and bright, fluorescent dri-fit shirts. They were muscly, sweaty and their demeanor cocky.

“Hey fedora boy, do you guys have any protein smoothies like Starbucks has,” said Jock 1 as Jock 2 laughed in approval.

Without saying a word, Jude pointed to the menu board behind him that listed two protein smoothies. Jude didn’t have a high opinion of jocks and automatically assumed both of them were less than average readers.

“Oh, so hairy face boy thinks he’s too good to talk to us. We’ll take two Guava paste, whey protein smoothies, extra large. We’ll be waiting at that table in the corner, just bring them over to us after you make them,” said Jock 2. Continue reading “The Purple Fedora Incident (Jude’s big balls)”

A hipster goes to a sports bar

This is from my blog: www.hipsterstories.wordpress.com

(According to one person that read the story: “It’s probably one of the best hipster/emo love stories ever told,” Anonymous.

After reading the email from Clemmy, Jude was confused, distraught and embarrassed.

Dear Clemmy,

Thanks for being honest with me. I understand, but I don’t understand, I mean I think I understand.

Anyway, I’m going to put my phone up for a while and go somewhere where no one knows my name…..you know, the opposite of the show Cheers.

Peace out,

Jude

He decided to drink his confusion away, but wanted to go somewhere different, somewhere where he could sit at the corner of a bar and fade into his glass. He walked a few blocks and ended up at Buffalo Wild Wings sports bar.

He walked in with his head down and sat at the last open bar stool at the far corner of the bar. There were televisions everywhere, each showing a different type of sport.

Jude ordered a PBR tall boy and started guzzling while the television above him played a girls college softball game. He stared at the game with a dazed look and was somewhat turned on by the girls playing, but was worried that they looked a little too much like men. He continued to guzzle.

The bartender walked up to him and placed a Jager shot in front of him.

“Easy man, I didn’t order that. I’m not trying to get that drunk,” Jude said.

“The two guys at the end of the bar over there sent you that shot,” the bartender said pointing in their direction.

Jude looked to where he pointed and his mouth nearly hit the floor. It was the two jocks from Randall’s the other day and they were walking towards him.

Jock 1 took Judes PBR tall boy from his hand and poured the rest of it into Jude’s lap. Jude sat there frozen and terrified as Jock 2 said, “Oh look, poor little fedora boy pissed his pants in public.”

“Enjoy that shot, because it’s your last drink in here. This is our bar, keep your stinky ass down the street at Randall’s or wherever else you hang out. If we see you in here again, we are going to shove that fedora up your ass,” said Jock 1.

The bartender walked over and asked if everything was alright.

“Just so you know, I’m going to Yelp this later and it won’t be pretty,” Jude replied defiantly.

Then he dropped some cash on the bar and walked out of the bar covering his wet crotch with his fedora.

“Thanks a lot Clemmy, thanks a fucking lot,” Jude said to himself as he walked home in despair.