Tag: jesus

I went to my local grocery store to get a few things yesterday.  I was getting some butter when an older man, about 60 or so was heading towards me pushing a cart.  I always buy the Kerrygold Irish butter, it’s fucking delicious.

He wore a black shirt with a huge cross and quote on it that said, “My Savior Is Tougher Than Nails.”  His hair was long and white and his skin weathered.

There was even blood painted on the ends of the nails.  When you think about it, it really is a sadistic shirt.

I couldn’t help but wonder about what fucking sicko would wear a shirt like that.  By wearing it in public he was obviously saying to the world, “Fuck your beliefs and fuck whoever your savior is because my savior is way more bad-ass than yours.” 

So fucking American of him.  We are bigger, badder and fuck you if you don’t like it.

Personally, it seems like his savior kind of failed.  I mean shit, being nailed to the cross really did him in.  Sounds like he was kind of a big, giant pussy.  (I mean no disrespect to vaginas.)  I love vaginas and I’m truly sorry that I often refer to people I don’t like as “pussies,” but it just feels right.  I’m old school like that.

I wanted to say something to him, but my balls just aren’t that big.

I wanted to say, “Hey asshole, you know what????  My savior is late night McDonald’s.  The fries are so delicious it makes me forget about the horse-meat burgers.  And guess what???  My savior will always be here for me.  McDonald’s will never give up.”